Is It Possible To Forgive The Unforgiveable?

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By Rev. Susan Z. Rich

In today’s energy of fear, hatred, unbending beliefs and our whole way of life being challenged. We have all felt resentment, pain, rage and the desperate need for retaliation of an injustice done to you or someone else. There are so many levels of unforgiveness we carry and sometimes act out, it would be impossible to name them all. Regardless if it is a moment of road rage, years of childhood abuse, betrayal, an injustice never made right or small as a slight indignity given you. The bottom line is, if you carry the energy of all that: resentment, unforgiveness, or hate for another, it supports the spiritual saying of: Carrying unforgiveness, hate and wanting revenge has the same effect of universal reflection of you drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Forgiveness is a spiritual act that requires to feel from the heart and not from the triumph of the ego.

To enter into that place of peace, the first step is to stop allowing the 4-year-old emotional victim part of all of us to continue with the temper tantrums of wanting the person or them to hurt as bad as you were. Ain’t going to happen. The ego plays our victim emotions of simply wanting to get even. That is the frustrating part of holding onto to unforgiveness. Regardless of the magnitude of depravity or brutality you have experienced, you cannot make someone else feel something they just might not be incapable of. So, you carry the burden for both.

When I began on my spiritual journey more years ago than I care to admit, my first shamanic teacher taught spirituality from a pragmatic, ‘you are never going to figure it all out’ approach that was awakening and yet dissatisfying at the same time. When you start on the spiritual path looking for answers why God ‘allows’ brutality, unfairness and downright horror to happen and this amazing creator seemingly looks the other way, making you sometimes feel like a gerbil running in the little wheel for this intelligence amusement. There is no end answer for what we call justice and making things right in our world or the world in general. The sooner you accept that, the faster you will be able to throw up the green bits that others have given you and feel so much better!

This same teacher gave me a phrase that stuck with me throughout my own personal challenges, my counseling practice of giving spiritual guidance to others. That would be: “you ain’t never going to see the big picture of the why and how in any situation of life.” It is impossible for us to wrap our heads around it in this dimension but our hearts have the ability to instinctively ‘God Spark’ understand there may be more to it than what our human perceptions are telling us. But you have to open your heart and let it happen!

I have counseled many sexual abuse cases during my tenure with AA and Drugs Anonymous. The rage, victim energy, blame, shame, feeling broken and being unclean permeated their life imprints. Those negative emotions left trails of failing in life to be happy with who you are and be able to see that possibly others could see how brave you were to be HERE!!!!! Instead of feeling broken. Carrying those negative energies of damaged self, only allows the universe to reflect back to your perceived damaged life and repeat those patterns again and again.
This is a metaphoric story that I would tell my clients. It not only represents sexual abuse (which by the way carries heavy shame and guilt, which is the lowest vibrational life imprint and the hardest to get rid of) but also emotional, verbal and physical abuse. So here it goes. From experience, I will tell you that 50% will make some king of shift of perception of what forgiveness and compassion looks life after reading this and see other possibilities to not carry that burden anymore, learning to be happy with themselves. The other 50% will think I do drugs and on some kind of impossible and unreachable woo-woo spiritual path.

When the soul decides to experience a lesson or teach one, regardless if it would make sense to us in our humanity, your soul family volunteers to reincarnate with you to make that experience possible for you. Whether it be a horrendous or euphoric experience, they are backup and players. Since we have been talking sexual abuse, the choice of that experience would make you immediately think “why would a soul want to experience that?” The same reaction I get when I tell my clients they chose their parent. Lol! Now we come back to that first spiritual path lesson I learned mentioned above, ‘we DON’T know why and a much bigger soul picture is being played out than we cannot possibly understand in our small human viewpoints.

So, in order for sexual abuse to happen, chosen by the soul themselves, they must have participating members of their soul family to volunteer to make that happen. Those volunteers are usually a close loving soul participate of your journey. And here is the catch, literally all sexual predators, pedophiles or damaged sadists who perpetrate those atrocities must had it done to them first. So, you have a volunteer to reincarnate ahead of you, experience the horrors of abuse so they themselves become damaged for you to experience the same. Maybe even generations back. Do we have the capacity to understand why a soul would do something like that? No, we do not. But it is as close to unconditional love as we will ever see. Unfortunately, humans grow through adversity, so it becomes our truth experiment and challenge.

Every time we create the energy of unforgiveness for an act or situation, our hypothalamus gets in gear, engaging both the sympathetic nervous system and the adrenal-cortical system. We go into ‘fight or flight or full-blown fear mode that your four-year emotional inner child believes it will happen again without any defense again. We can release ourselves from this self-made prison of negative imprints caused by those humiliating or horrible experiences.

First by accepting that we do not understand (in our human capacity) why someone would do such horrible things to you. Regardless of what the scale is: the lowest of inhumane abuse to a simple slight of getting our feelings hurt. If we can accept that it is our responsibility to release the poison and allow self-love to take its place. Allow the perpetrators deal with their own demons in the lifetime both of you agreed upon. You don’t have to absolve them from their wrongdoings to you, as accountability is a big part of forgiveness. I have always suggested taking baby steps of compassion for their perpetrator’s misery and the horror they must have suffered also. Your heart will feel lighter. You will NEVER forget but it will not consume you or be your identity. Baby Steps! Unless you have been blessed with a healing tent revival “Yeah we are healed” moment, it will take discipline of mind, learning to love yourself unconditionally, time and having compassion for your own past suffering and others.



'Courage Sans Peur' (Courage w/o Fear)
Rev Susan Z Rich: Intuitive Counseling, Spiritual Guidance and Teaching
Author of "Soul Windows... Secrets From The Divine" by Susan Z Rich


If you are interested in learning more about Soul Windows life cycles and how it effects our experiences and choices and help in understanding how to handle the emotions that come with them, you can also look up my book on Amazon called "Soul Windows…. Secrets From The Divine" by Susan Z Rich. It may help you to see things from a different perspective.

1 comment

Estelle Thibodeau

Thank you Rev Susan for your post. I have a friend carrying resentment due to abuse. I have another friend that died at 25 due to her shame from abuse. I am the one that seemingly made it through. I believe gratitude allows forgiveness knowing that a great and compassionate power is at work in our lives, less we suffer. Ultimately, it’s heads up buttercup to transform shame into understanding. 

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