Saying “NO” Gracefully, Part 1

by Rev. Rita Scheibeck

“Just say no.” Sounds easy and looks good on paper, right? It’s something that many of us know we need to do more often than not, yet somehow ends up being just a phrase that gets lost in the shuffle of our thoughts, our emotions, and our tight schedules.

Some of you might remember the first lady Nancy Reagan from the 1980’s. (I have to giggle when I say this, considering the average age of our ministerial group!) Mrs. Reagan launched a well-intentioned, but marginally effective anti-drug campaign for teens and young adults using the mantra and the motto, “Just say NO.”

In my observations here today, we’re talking about a totally different use of the phrase, with a similar dynamic, frequently yielding less than optimum results. “Just say NO!” Yep, it sounds doable, but is it really that simple?

I can’t begin to tell you how often I do psychic readings for people that are over-committed, overwhelmed, and over-tired. Most of my clients in these situations are also over-achievers with great desires to do what they do perfectly. They rarely accomplish their duties in any sort of mediocre way, no matter how much they have on their “to do” lists.

What I almost always find in my readings for the over-committed is that Spirit, speaking through me, encourages my clients to “say no” more frequently, and to engage more often in better self-care and other spiritual pursuits. The overly responsible people hearing this message usually sigh with longing and verbalize their most sincere agreement with this assessment and advice. I actually hear the complete release of breath from each of them, the release that they deeply crave on a personal level.

And then it starts. The next thing I see and hear are the rationalizations in their thought processes. “I have the best skill set to accomplish those tasks.” “I can get the job done faster by myself than if I teach someone else how to do it.” “I’m the only person with the accumulated historical knowledge that is needed in that position.”

Other responses, more emotional in nature, and only sometimes verbalized to me, go something like these: “If I don’t volunteer in that position, I would really miss my colleagues in that group, and I’d feel left out.” “I really want the attention and the praise I get from doing this job so well.” “If I left that responsibility to someone else, I’d worry that many of the tasks would be forgotten or incomplete.”

Then my personal favorite set of denials (most often in unspoken panic) kicks in. “Will the other participants think I’m not capable of doing the job?” “What if I offend someone by trying to get out of my duties?” “I can’t ‘just say no’. It would be rude and irresponsible of me to simply throw this service up into the air. What if no one else wants to do it?”

No matter how much we’d like to slow down and smell the roses, or devote ourselves to more personal activities, the chatter in our brains frequently leaves us with too much to do, too often for our own good.

If you recognize any of the thoughts or behaviors in this article, make sure to take a look next week to see some of the remedies often recommended by Spirit for saying “no” gracefully.

Affirmation: Even with my busy schedules, I slow myself down long enough and frequently enough to listen to the guidance I receive from my Source.

I now allow, acknowledge, accept and affirm that this is so.

As a regular contributor to "The Rose", Rev. Rita's column "Sacred Thoughts" will feature her blog posts. She is a psychic psychometrist available for readings in person or by phone.

Feel free to contact her for details by email at revritascheibeck@gmail.com or by phone or text at 352-284-8609